Sibling Clashes? Their Personalities Might Be the Problem (Not Yours!)

If you’re constantly playing referee between your kids, you’re not alone. Whether it’s fights over toys, shouting matches during homework time, or bickering that seems to come from nowhere — sibling clashes can wear down even the most patient parent.

And while some squabbling is completely normal, there’s often a deeper reason why certain children just don’t seem to “click.” It might not be about age gaps, birth order, or parenting styles. It might simply be personality differences.

It’s Not Just Sibling Rivalry

Most families assume that clashes between siblings are inevitable — a rite of passage. And yes, some level of conflict is healthy. But when the tension feels constant or particularly intense, understanding each child’s personality style can help you make sense of it.

At Simplify, we use the DISC-based framework that categorises children into four personality styles:

• Dominant – Independent, goal-focused, assertive
• Influential – Outgoing, talkative, enthusiastic
• Supportive – Calm, caring, consistent
• Cautious – Thoughtful, detail-oriented, structured

Just like adults, children can clash when their styles are very different — or sometimes when they’re too similar.

How Different Styles Collide

Here’s how common clashes happen between different personality types, and how to spot what’s really going on:

Dominant vs Supportive

• One wants control, the other wants peace
• The Dominant child may come across as bossy
• The Supportive child may become quiet, withdrawn, or overly agreeable just to keep the peace

What helps:
Set clear boundaries for the Dominant child and encourage the Supportive child to express themselves. Balance is key — both voices need to be heard.

Influential vs Cautious

• One thrives on chaos, the other thrives on calm
• The Influential child might talk too much or act impulsively
• The Cautious child may become anxious or irritated by the unpredictability

What helps:
Give the Influential child time to express themselves, but teach boundaries. Let the Cautious child have space and tools to regain calm when needed.

Dominant vs Dominant

• Both want to win, both want to lead
• Fights may escalate quickly over small issues
• Each one may try to assert authority or compete for control

What helps:
Teach compromise and turn-taking. Give each child an area or task where they can lead independently to reduce direct conflict.

Supportive vs Influential

• The Supportive child may feel overwhelmed by the Influential child’s energy
• The Influential child might feel bored by the Supportive child’s quiet approach

What helps:
Teach mutual appreciation — show the Influential child the value of calm, and encourage the Supportive child to explore fun and spontaneous play on their own terms.

What You Can Do as a Parent

1. Name it.
   Start noticing the traits in each of your children without labelling them as “the difficult one” or “the easy one.” This helps you respond with insight, not frustration.
2. Create space for each style.
   Allow one-on-one time with each child in a way that suits their personality — quiet chats for some, active games for others.
3. Don’t force sameness.
   It’s okay if your kids learn, play, or express themselves differently. Equal love doesn’t have to mean equal treatment.
4. Coach, don’t referee.
   Instead of solving every fight, help them understand each other. “She’s not ignoring you, she just needs time to think” goes a long way.

Final Thought

Sibling clashes are often not about bad behaviour — they’re about two different people trying to share space with very different ways of seeing the world. Understanding their personalities doesn’t erase conflict, but it gives you a map for guiding them through it.

With insight, patience, and the right tools, you can help your children not just coexist — but actually connect.

👉 Want to learn your children’s personality styles?
Take the Unify Personality Style Assessment to get tailored insights for each child — and tips for managing their unique dynamic.

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