Is My Child Just Being Difficult - or Is It Their Learning Style?

Some kids can't sit still. Others refuse to follow instructions unless they're read out loud. Some breeze through reading but struggle to explain anything aloud. If you’ve ever found yourself asking, Are they being difficult on purpose?, the answer might surprise you.

What you’re seeing could be less about defiance and more about how your child is wired to learn.

Understanding learning styles doesn’t just help with schoolwork — it can completely change how you parent, communicate, and support your child at home. Because what feels like resistance is often a mismatch between how information is delivered and how your child processes it.

Not Naughty — Just Not Clicking

Let’s say your child refuses to write out their homework and keeps asking to talk about it instead. Or they doodle all over the page and zone out halfway through a maths worksheet. It might seem like they’re not trying, but they could just be trying to learn in a way that suits them.

Most children fit into one of four core learning styles (based on the VARK model):

• Visual: Learns best through images, diagrams and spatial layouts
• Auditory: Processes best by listening and speaking
• Reading-Writing: Prefers text-based learning — lists, notes and reading
• Kinaesthetic: Learns through movement, touch and real-life experience

If a child is being taught in a way that doesn’t match their style, learning becomes frustrating — and frustration often shows up as “bad” behaviour.

What ‘Difficult’ Looks Like in Each Style

Here’s how learning mismatches can show up as resistance:

Visual Learners

• Seem disengaged when there’s too much verbal instruction
• Prefer to sketch or colour-code, which can look like distraction
• May ignore instructions unless there’s a visual prompt

What helps: Diagrams, colour-coded revision, mind maps, visual routines.

Auditory Learners

• Talk constantly or repeat things aloud (which can seem disruptive)
• May ignore written instructions in favour of asking questions
• Can get frustrated when told to “just read it”

What helps: Verbal explanations, discussion, audiobooks, talking through work.

Reading-Writing Learners

• Prefer working alone — seen as withdrawn or “too quiet”
• May shut down if work is too verbal or visual-heavy
• Often resist interactive tasks or group learning

What helps: Textbooks, notetaking, rewriting information, structured worksheets.

Kinaesthetic Learners

• Can’t sit still — fidgeting, pacing, tapping
• Appear uninterested unless hands-on activities are involved
• May get labelled “restless” or “difficult” in formal settings

What helps: Movement breaks, role play, physical learning tools, short tasks.

It's Not About Excusing Behaviour — It’s About Understanding It

This isn’t about giving in or avoiding structure. It’s about recognising when behaviour is a signal that something isn’t clicking.

Imagine being asked to learn something in a way that completely goes against how your brain works. You’d get frustrated too. When you shift how you support learning, many behaviours start to ease on their own.

What You Can Do Tonight

• Watch them work. What do they naturally do when they’re trying to understand something? Do they draw it? Say it out loud? Get up and move?
• Try small shifts. Instead of giving an instruction, draw it. Instead of asking them to sit still, give them something to hold while they focus.
• Ask questions. “Would you rather draw this out?” or “Want to explain it to me instead of writing it down?”

These little tweaks can turn a meltdown into a moment of progress.

Final Thought

Children aren’t trying to make life hard — they’re trying to make sense of the world. Once you understand how your child learns, you can meet them where they are, instead of constantly pulling them toward where you think they should be.

So next time it feels like they’re just being difficult, pause and ask yourself — or is it their learning style?

👉 Want to know your child’s learning style?Take the Unify Learning Style Assessment to discover how they learn best — and get personalised strategies to make learning feel easier at home.