Why Kids Ignore You the First Time (And What to Try Instead)

Why Kids Ignore You the First Time (And What to Try Instead)

“Put your shoes on.”
“Time to brush your teeth.”
“Dinner’s ready!”

Silence. No response. Not even a flicker of acknowledgement. And yet somehow, the same child who ‘didn’t hear you’ can instantly perk up at the sound of “ice cream” whispered from the next room.

So why do children so often ignore us the first time we speak?

It’s not always about defiance. In many cases, it’s about processing, preference, and personality — and understanding that can save you from the daily power struggle.

Not hearing ≠ not listening

The reality is, many children do hear you — but their brains don’t register it in a way that triggers action. This could be due to:

• Their learning style
• Their personality style
• Their current mental focus or emotional state

Once you understand what makes your child tick, you can tailor the way you speak to actually get through.

Let’s break it down by style

Visual learners

These children respond best to what they see.

What’s happening:
If you’re calling from another room or giving verbal-only instructions, they may genuinely tune it out.

What helps:

• Get eye contact
• Use gestures or visual prompts (e.g. a shoe picture by the door)
• Write out or draw their routines

Auditory learners

They should be the ones most likely to respond, right? Yes — but only if they’re not overwhelmed or distracted.

What’s happening:
If they’re focused on another sound, or in a noisy space, they may block everything else out.

What helps:

• Say their name first to get their attention
• Speak clearly and avoid background noise
• Ask them to repeat back what they heard

Reading-writing learners

These kids prefer written instructions.

What’s happening:
They may not act immediately on verbal cues, especially if they weren’t looking at you.

What helps:

• Write reminders on a board or sticky note
• Use checklists for routines
• Let them read rather than be told when possible

Kinaesthetic learners

They’re often mid-movement and deeply involved in what they’re doing.

What’s happening:
It’s not rudeness — their focus is in their body, not your words.

What helps:

• Tap them gently or get in their line of sight
• Use active language (e.g. “let’s move to the bathroom”)
• Avoid shouting from across the room

It’s not always about learning — personality plays a role too

Children with Dominant styles may ignore instructions if they feel micromanaged.
Influential kids might get easily distracted or forget the original request.
Supportive kids may hear you but hesitate to act if they feel unsure or rushed.
Cautious children might freeze if they feel your tone was too sharp.

The way you ask matters just as much as what you say.

So what should you try instead?

• Connect first: Say their name. Make eye contact. Pause before the instruction.
• Keep it clear: Avoid vague phrases like “Be ready soon.” Be specific: “Shoes on in 5 minutes.”
• Change the method: Try a visual or written cue instead of repeating yourself.
• Build routine cues: Use Simplify to set up consistent prompts that they begin to expect — like the “daily” message showing what’s happening that day.

Final Thought

Your child isn’t trying to be difficult. In most cases, they’re just processing the world in a way that’s slightly different to yours. When you shift the way you communicate to match their style, you’ll likely find they’re more responsive, more cooperative, and less frustrated too.

👉 Want to know your child’s learning and personality style?
Take the Simplify Assessment to get insights into how they process instructions — and how to actually get through the first time.

‍